misfire

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My Personal Story

Lora Chalise Golston,

The worst year of my life was 2019. Years prior, I lied to my parents several times and neglected my school work to play videogames or talk to friends. Typical teenager stuff. But my dad believed that a disobedient child was a disrespectful child. He grounded me off of everything except reading. The only thing I loved more than reading was writing. I was too afraid to ask him if I could write, so I had nothing to do. I spent my free time believing that I deserved to be unhappy.

I thought about standing in front of a moving car, or just laying outside and letting the insects gnaw at me. But one day, mom checked to see how I was doing. I mentioned my suicidality and depression. She told me that she wanted me to be here and that my feelings were normal, that it was okay that I wasn’t okay. She spoke to dad about it. They took me to the doctor. Since the end of 2019, I have been taking antidepressants. The medicine doesn’t fix everything. There’s a difference between mood regulation and self improvement. I still have a lot of work to do on myself. The good news is that I get to write stories, socialize, and watch TV. I never have nothing to do anymore. I still confide in my mom whenever I feel sad. And my father, well, he’s trying to understand me a little more. We still have a lot to learn about each other.

I am grateful for the time that I have left, even if it’s only a few more years. I want to live. I want to dream big. I owe that to the people who loved me when I was at my worst. And most importantly, I owe that to myself.

One Response

  1. Hi Lora,

    I am glad that your mom checked on you and that you both agreed on getting help. Be assured that you are a precious soul, one that deserves to be happy. Its great to know that you got to do what you love: write! Never stop dreaming or believing in yourself.

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